Machinehead
03-03-2005, 10:17 PM
It's just me startin' my $hit again. Speaking of $hit, let's start out with a bit of toilet humor....
Below is a compilation of writings and such found on bathroom walls...
**************************************************
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me,
So... throw me down,
and tie me up and show me that you like me.
-------------------------
Written on the left wall:
*TOILET TENNIS*
look right
Written on the right wall:
look left
-------------------------
Written on tank next to handle:
Please wiggle Handel
Written below it:
If I do, will it wiggle Bach?
--------------------------
Free Chile
Underneath:
With every hamburger
--------------------------
top line above urinal:
I'm 9" long and 3" wide,interested?
Underneath:
fascinating!! How big is your penis?
--------------------------
At the bottom of the stall door:
Beware of gay limbo dancers.
---------------------------
If you can pee above this line (horizontal line set about 8 feet off the ground) join the Volunteer Fire Department.
All the graffiti (and there was quite a bit) BELOW that was smeared and runny. Obviously, a position on the VFD was highly sought-after.
----------------------------
Flush twice- it's a long way to the cafeteria.
This is in regards to the dining hall food tasting terrible at times.
---------------------------
This was written to the left of the door:
i guess your taking a shit too.
---------------------------
Sometimes I sit and think. Sometimes I just sit.
----------------------------
Written on condom machine:
Machine broken. Beat it.
----------------------------
To do is to be. Aristotle
To be is to do. Plato
Do Be Do Be Do. Sinatra
-----------------------------
Here I sit all cold and dirty,
killing time until 4:30.
---------------------------
Cheese Fact #4: The best part about any food with cheese in it is the cheese.
-----------------------------
Sticker above the button to the hot air hand dryer in the men's bathroom reads:
"PRESS THIS BUTTON FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE GOVERNMENT"
------------------------------
Cease thy windy argument and let the matter drop
------------------------------
If the world didn't suck we would all fly away.
------------------------------
I just took a modal shit - it was kind of blue.
Context - Miles Davis's famous modal jazz album is called "Kind of Blue."
-----------------------------
Written in a stall at Tipitina's-Uptown:
in New Orleans,
whisky is the water,
food is the earth,
music is the wind,
and sex be the fire!
-------------------------------
In days of old
when knights were bold
and toilets not invented,
They left their load upon the road
and walked away contented.
-------------------------------
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.
-------------------------------
Written on the grout of a tiled bathroom stall in a software company:
I just took a non-virtual dump.
----------------------------------
Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate mother fuckers
----------------------------------
She offered her honor
He honored her offer
Before you knew it
He was on her and off her
--------------------------------
John 3:16
Below that different writing.
Mark 3:27 - Must have just missed you
---------------------------------
Life is like a penis
When it's soft you can't beat it
But when it's hard
Somebody is going to get fucked
---------------------------------
Arrow pointing to a Ground Fault Interrupt outlet above the sink, which is a power outlet with a circuit breaker and the 'TEST MONTHLY' button.
Yet another female receptacle with monthly problems.
------------------------------
Poo
-------
3/4 Cup Corn Nuts
1 Burger
1 Strawberry Shake
A muffin
Large Latte
Eat the food items in any order you see fit. Digest over night, in the morning drink the latte, place your ass on the grill and let loose.
-----------------------------------
Even nothing is something.
----------------------------------
Found on a men's stall in a Kroger's in Richardson, Texas:
Employees must stick finger in ass before returning to work.
----------------------------------------------
This was found in a women's stall in the Undergraduate Library (or UGL) at The University of Texas. Each line is a response to the one which proceeds it.
Is true love ever to be found?
Yes. Believe it, and it was so.
It is not a question of finding "true love," but one of finding someone whose bullshit you can put up with.
False love is not love at all. If you love truly, then it is true love.
I'm just looking for someone who doesn't irritate the shit out of me.
It seems to me u all fail to recognize love in its pure existance by attempting to define it
Love transcends the need for definitive terminology. Don't undermine it!!
If it transcends the need for defintive terminology, then why are you calling it love?
FIGHT AGAINST MALE TYRANNY!
Below is a compilation of writings and such found on bathroom walls...
**************************************************
Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but whips and chains excite me,
So... throw me down,
and tie me up and show me that you like me.
-------------------------
Written on the left wall:
*TOILET TENNIS*
look right
Written on the right wall:
look left
-------------------------
Written on tank next to handle:
Please wiggle Handel
Written below it:
If I do, will it wiggle Bach?
--------------------------
Free Chile
Underneath:
With every hamburger
--------------------------
top line above urinal:
I'm 9" long and 3" wide,interested?
Underneath:
fascinating!! How big is your penis?
--------------------------
At the bottom of the stall door:
Beware of gay limbo dancers.
---------------------------
If you can pee above this line (horizontal line set about 8 feet off the ground) join the Volunteer Fire Department.
All the graffiti (and there was quite a bit) BELOW that was smeared and runny. Obviously, a position on the VFD was highly sought-after.
----------------------------
Flush twice- it's a long way to the cafeteria.
This is in regards to the dining hall food tasting terrible at times.
---------------------------
This was written to the left of the door:
i guess your taking a shit too.
---------------------------
Sometimes I sit and think. Sometimes I just sit.
----------------------------
Written on condom machine:
Machine broken. Beat it.
----------------------------
To do is to be. Aristotle
To be is to do. Plato
Do Be Do Be Do. Sinatra
-----------------------------
Here I sit all cold and dirty,
killing time until 4:30.
---------------------------
Cheese Fact #4: The best part about any food with cheese in it is the cheese.
-----------------------------
Sticker above the button to the hot air hand dryer in the men's bathroom reads:
"PRESS THIS BUTTON FOR AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM THE GOVERNMENT"
------------------------------
Cease thy windy argument and let the matter drop
------------------------------
If the world didn't suck we would all fly away.
------------------------------
I just took a modal shit - it was kind of blue.
Context - Miles Davis's famous modal jazz album is called "Kind of Blue."
-----------------------------
Written in a stall at Tipitina's-Uptown:
in New Orleans,
whisky is the water,
food is the earth,
music is the wind,
and sex be the fire!
-------------------------------
In days of old
when knights were bold
and toilets not invented,
They left their load upon the road
and walked away contented.
-------------------------------
I feel more like I do now than I did when I got here.
-------------------------------
Written on the grout of a tiled bathroom stall in a software company:
I just took a non-virtual dump.
----------------------------------
Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate mother fuckers
----------------------------------
She offered her honor
He honored her offer
Before you knew it
He was on her and off her
--------------------------------
John 3:16
Below that different writing.
Mark 3:27 - Must have just missed you
---------------------------------
Life is like a penis
When it's soft you can't beat it
But when it's hard
Somebody is going to get fucked
---------------------------------
Arrow pointing to a Ground Fault Interrupt outlet above the sink, which is a power outlet with a circuit breaker and the 'TEST MONTHLY' button.
Yet another female receptacle with monthly problems.
------------------------------
Poo
-------
3/4 Cup Corn Nuts
1 Burger
1 Strawberry Shake
A muffin
Large Latte
Eat the food items in any order you see fit. Digest over night, in the morning drink the latte, place your ass on the grill and let loose.
-----------------------------------
Even nothing is something.
----------------------------------
Found on a men's stall in a Kroger's in Richardson, Texas:
Employees must stick finger in ass before returning to work.
----------------------------------------------
This was found in a women's stall in the Undergraduate Library (or UGL) at The University of Texas. Each line is a response to the one which proceeds it.
Is true love ever to be found?
Yes. Believe it, and it was so.
It is not a question of finding "true love," but one of finding someone whose bullshit you can put up with.
False love is not love at all. If you love truly, then it is true love.
I'm just looking for someone who doesn't irritate the shit out of me.
It seems to me u all fail to recognize love in its pure existance by attempting to define it
Love transcends the need for definitive terminology. Don't undermine it!!
If it transcends the need for defintive terminology, then why are you calling it love?
FIGHT AGAINST MALE TYRANNY!