Rhino
05-06-2005, 06:13 PM
These are the kind of jokes that need the "ba da bum bum" drum after each one.
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love
and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One
says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you
but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "Sorry, we don't
serve food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it
common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you,"
said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible
woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for
him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks
the dog up and examines his
eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to
put him down." "Why?
Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's
really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day, but I couldn't
find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and
bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He
said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The
doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and
pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly;
but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't
have your kayak and heat
it too.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A
fsh.
20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is
the bar tender here?"
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love
and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was
excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One
says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The
first replies, "Yes, I'm
positive..."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The
bartender says, "I'll serve you
but don't start anything."
4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender
says, "Sorry, we don't
serve food in here."
5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of
asphalt under his arm and says:
"A beer please, and one for the road."
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says
to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"
8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green
Grass of Home.'" "That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it
common?" "It's Not Unusual."
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a
field. Daisy says to Dolly,
"I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you,"
said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed
Daisy.
10. An invisible man marries an invisible
woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.
11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard
this bull before.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and
says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for
him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks
the dog up and examines his
eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to
put him down." "Why?
Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's
really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the
other day, but I couldn't
find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and
bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf. He
said, "No, the steaks are
too high."
16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious
accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The
doctor replied, "I know you
can't - I've cut off your arms!"
17. I went to a seafood disco last week and
pulled a mussel.
18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly;
but when they lit a fire
in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't
have your kayak and heat
it too.
19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A
fsh.
20. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is
the bar tender here?"