TinyUFB
09-30-2005, 10:23 AM
A man making the Bar scene, was fairly intoxicated when he went into a popular night spot. The bartender refused to serve him and told him he should go home.
Man: My wife will kill me.
Bartender: Take her some candy.
Man: She is on a diet.
Bartender: Take her some flowers.
Man: She has allergies.
Bartender: Tell her a poem.
Man: She loves poems ... I don't know any.
Bartender: Here is one for you. The Bartender recited.
YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS...
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE.
-"Shakespeare"
Man: I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting to himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find his keys. So he knocks on the door.
Wife: You better not of been drinking.
Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!
Wife: It had better be good
The man starts to recite the poem...
YOU BABYLONIAN BITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE
---------------
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one, this question.
"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom," she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.
The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners."
I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
-----------------------------------
A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner.
She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this.
As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced,
"Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!"
Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says,
"And you two chicken-fuckers get up here with me."
Man: My wife will kill me.
Bartender: Take her some candy.
Man: She is on a diet.
Bartender: Take her some flowers.
Man: She has allergies.
Bartender: Tell her a poem.
Man: She loves poems ... I don't know any.
Bartender: Here is one for you. The Bartender recited.
YOU BABYLONIAN WITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND RUBY LIPS...
BENEATH THINE EYES PASSION LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PASSION RISE.
-"Shakespeare"
Man: I can handle that. So walking home the man was reciting to himself the poem. When he gets home he is unable to find his keys. So he knocks on the door.
Wife: You better not of been drinking.
Man: Sweetness, I have a poem for you!
Wife: It had better be good
The man starts to recite the poem...
YOU BABYLONIAN BITCH ..
BLUE EYES AND PURPLE TITS.
BETWEEN YOUR THIGHS A PUSSY LIES
AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES MY PECKER RISE
---------------
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students, one by one, this question.
"Michael, if you were on a date, having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the restroom," she asked.
"Just a minute, I have to go pee", he said.
The teacher replied, "That would be rude and impolite.
What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
The teacher responded, "That's better, but it's still not very mannerly to say the word 'bathroom' at the table."
"And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good manners."
I would say: "Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner."
The teacher fainted.
-----------------------------------
A parrot developed the bad habit of fucking the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head. The next day, the farmer again catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife hosts a formal dinner.
She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the parrot for this.
As the guests began entering, the parrot dutifully announced,
"Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the left!"
Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says,
"And you two chicken-fuckers get up here with me."