Finally Some Guy's Rules for Women

[TinyUFB]

It's about time you girls understand the rules for Guy's. The whole world knows your Rules, but sadly only a few girls know the Guy's rules:

The Guys' Rules

These are our rules! Please note...these are all numbered "1" ON
PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no
idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know
men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

[RAZOR]

MY FAVORITE ONE.
"IF YOU THINK YOUR FAT,YOU PROBALLY ARE,DONT ASK US"
:jamming:

[AirportFF]

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.



Ain't that the truth. Great list Tiny :happy:

[Reverend]

Let me extend that list.. just a hair...





50 things guys wish girls knew......

1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.

2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.

3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.

4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.

5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.

6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.

7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.

8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.

9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.

10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.

11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.

12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.

`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.

14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.

15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.

16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.

17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.

18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.

19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.

20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.

21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.

22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.

23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).

24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.

25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.

26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.

27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.

28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.

29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.

30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.

31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.

32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.

33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.

34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.

35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.

36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.

37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.

38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.

39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.

40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.

41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.

42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.

43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.

44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm

45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.

46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.

47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!

49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.

50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.

[RAZOR]

Aaaaaaaaaaa---god Damn It Reverend---if You Are Not Going To Post For A Long Time Warn Us Before You Post Agian--you Scared The Shit Out Of Me
With That Gun....

[AirportFF]

47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!


Susan, pay attention to # 47


Rev, I personally like a strip of hair. It gives better traction.:wink_2:

Welcome back

[FFsLady]

Wow Rev! I've been enlightened. :wink_2:

[FFsLady]

Susan, pay attention to # 47




Mmmmm Hmmmmm :beatnik: